I'm Addicted to the Internet.

coffee_sex_art @ 2008-10-28T12:51:00

2008-10-28T16:51:49Z

KARMA REPAIR KIT: ITEMS 1-4

1. Get enough food to eat,
And eat it.

2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet,
and sleep there.

3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise
until you arrive at the silence of yourself,
and listen to it.

4.

Richard Brautigan

food for thought

2008-10-20T02:48:26Z

Do you agree with this quote; i'm not sure where I stand:

"Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself."

coffee_sex_art @ 2008-09-16T10:29:00

2008-09-16T14:29:27Z

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music

-Friedrich Nietzsche

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter-'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.

-Mark Twain

coffee_sex_art @ 2008-07-08T12:08:00

2008-07-08T16:08:25Z

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. I am I, and you are you, and if by chance we find each other, that is beautiful.

from nell's grad present

2008-05-27T19:07:45Z

as we nudge our physical boundaries with yoga postures, we become fully focused on the body, breath and mind. we become absorbed in being in the present moment. it's like a break from our usual mind status. like a holiday, it refreshes us. yoga practice helps us move from distress to de-stress from dis-ease to ease, from passion to compassion.

yoga is a state of mind. the state of yoga is when the mind is still. the turnings of the thoughts have ceased and there are no distractions. this state of mind was primarily sought through the practice of meditation. over the last two thousand years other practicies were developed that helped the body and mind become more receptive to the experience of stillness.

stillness fosters awareness. when we know we have forgotten something we often freeze momentarily while we remember. hatha yoga includes physical exercises that seek to relax and still the body, breath work to focus the mind, chanting to arouse and then calm the emotions, and meditation to center the spirit.

keeping a healthy discipline makes life feel better. ou feel better after you've finished a yoga practice than when you started it. sometimes you begin your practice feeling unfocused, anxious or tight in the body. sometimes you feel lazy and lethargic. yet after absorbing yourself in your practice, you feel warm, loose, relaxed, calm and perhaps more connected to a force greater than you. because it feels so good the practice itself is your reward as well as the journey along the path.

it's difficult to relate to others in a relaxed authentic way if you feel that the environment you have created might not survive a few storm clouds. fear fades and tranquility arrives when you relax back into a sense of wholeness. it's like lying back in a warm bath. it's when you re-remember who you really are when, caught up in the whilwind of life you'd forgotten yourself for a while

coffee_sex_art @ 2007-11-27T22:32:00

2007-11-28T03:36:51Z

Who indeed can harm you if you are committed deeply to doing what is right

What a great feeling to look back on what you've already climbed

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.

Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.

Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

...Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think, say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home.
   The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.

A man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

You can't expect people to look eye to eye with you if you are looking down on them.

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

A man never likes you so well as when he leaves your company liking himself.

Just smiling can do wonders for your attitude

Be who you are in every situation.

We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance

Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed

We have no simple problems or easy decisions after kindergarten.

It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

No man is free who is not master of himself.

There is no pleasure in life equal to that of the conquest of a vicious habit.


The ability to concentrate and to use your time well is everything if you want to succeed in business – or in anything else, for that matter.

Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as true strength.

We mustn't let our passions destroy our dreams.

True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.

If you really want to be happy, always try to do what’s right.

Hearts are the strongest when they beat in response to noble ideals.

No amount of ability is of the slightest avail without honor.

Don't be overwhelmed by decisions. Only consider the ethical ones - you'll find your options are much fewer

We abuse land because we regard it as a commodity belonging to us. When we see land as a community to which we belong, we may begin to use it with love and respect.

Take nothing but pictures.
Leave nothing but footprints.
Kill nothing but time.

Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.

One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people.

The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one has to do.

Discontent is the source of all trouble, but also of all progress, in individuals and nations.

Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life

It is not length of life, but depth of life.

It means a great deal to those who are oppressed to know that they are not alone. And never let anyone tell you that what you are doing is insignificant.

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.

A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be
shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may
be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have
and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

There is nothing as remarkable as learning how to think better.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

If children grew up according to early indications, we should have nothing but geniuses.

Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.

coffee_sex_art @ 2006-09-12T23:12:00

2006-09-13T03:13:21Z

"The true New Yorker secretly believes that anyone living anywhere else has got to be, in some sense, kidding." - John Updike

Because I have time to do things like this!

2006-05-08T20:16:03Z

Comment with your name. I'll tell you what I really think about you. And I mean it. Come out of your hiding spots and admit you read this journal. Let's all just be honest for once.

coffee_sex_art @ 2006-03-26T12:13:00

2006-03-26T17:13:00Z

Saw V for Vendetta friday with samara and sonia. FANTASTIC. Samara ordered the world's smallest piece of baklava. Don't go to sahara grill people. I love drivinggggggg <3

The SUP UB conference went so well. I was so proud to be a part of it. I want to write more, but I don't even know how to explain it. So many different clubs representing everything they slave at and all of that food and all of the speakers. Mike Niman talking about media activism. Learning about the kids who went to New Orleans on Spring Break to do Katrina Relief. Jenn and my presentation on vegetarianism that sparked a lot of interest from the meat eaters in the room. I loved it. And then Ben came with me to Colin's and we met up with Jenn and Joe and chilled with a bunch of people at Colin's house and got tipsy and giggly and it was just such a chilled out night. Went home and had my standard late night drunk phone conversation, which I will now proceed to be shady and say no more about. Got up at 11:40! So late for me :-D. And then contemplated cleaning. I have an overwhelming amount to do and am supppper in denial that I still don't know where I'm living this summer, which is uber UBER bad.

Okay I'm gona do some crunches clean get coffee go to work study study study make dinner plans do laundry work work eat dinner organize vegetarian club ongoings work more drink more caffeine bitch about things to people on aim sleep.

more stalling

2005-06-18T21:24:15Z

Here is a list of the books I've read this year. Several were for college courses, it will probably be obvious which. I read around 10 books each semester so leisure reading was sporadic, but still important enough to me to keep up with. I have a sprawling summer reading list and I would love it if you all could suggest a book that you consider extremely important to have read. I'm hoping to read *at least* 5 more books this summer. Thanks!

Lolita (re-read)-Nabakov
Summer-Wharton
Paradise-Morrison
The Ancient Child-Momaday
Joy Luck Club-Tan
The Grass Dancer-Power
The Crying of Lot 49-Pinchon
The Great Gatspy (re-read)-Fitzgerald
On The Road (re-read)-Kerouac
Song of Solomon-Morrison
Winesburg, Ohio-Anderson
Grendel (re-read)-Gardener
Me Talk Pretty One Day-Sedaris
Cat's Cradle-Vonnegut
Listening to Prozac-Kramer
Little Children-Perrota
The Good Body-Ensler
An Unquiet Mind-Jameson
Food For Thought: The Debate Over Eating Meat-(edited by) Sapontzis
On Democracy-Dahl
Democracy in Peril-Dahl
Possibilities-Szymborska (collected poems)
Democracy on Trial-Rosenthal
Sacred Cows and Golden Geese-Greek
Empty Cages-Regan
The Book on Bush (re-read)-Alterman and Green
Writings on an Ethical Life-Singer
A Small Place (re-read)-Kincaid
Wasted-Hornbacher
Frankenstein-Shelley
Hamlet (re-read)-Shakespeare

My drunk friends

2005-04-24T09:03:59Z

I missed one hell of a night apparently...here are some highlights

hobbes2809 (4:25:07 AM): okay youy ahgvee no idea whatsw happeend in this drom tonight morgan a
hobbes2809 (4:28:32 AM): everything is supside down and i donttt know what to trhink because of al the ine
hobbes2809 (4:28:36 AM): wine
b e a ch GlRL 22 (4:37:15 AM): i missed a helluva night
hobbes2809 (4:37:32 AM): eah there weres sioo many people thatw particicplated

Tomscool54 (3:47:34 AM): sonia is smashed
Tomscool54 (3:47:48 AM): chris and ben are smashed
Tomscool54 (3:47:55 AM): i think ben is sleeping over tonight
Tomscool54 (3:48:11 AM): sonia was just over here, she has my hat
Tomscool54 (3:48:49 AM): there were a lot of salsa and chips involved too

morePICKSLIDES (4:28:29 AM): goodnight
morePICKSLIDES (4:28:34 AM): blkaaaahhsaidhnvklndfsb

morePICKSLIDES (4:28:43 AM): i so ran into a couple of walls
morePICKSLIDES (4:28:52 AM): stupid drunk peopel didnt stop me
orePICKSLIDES (4:32:55 AM): ok goodnightizzle
morePICKSLIDES (4:33:07 AM): im like goign to the bathroom like almost naked
morePICKSLIDES (4:33:13 AM): but i sooo dont care right now
b e a ch GlRL 22 (4:35:26 AM): lol

omg and then fiorella introduced me to some hardcore stalking good times and like..i duno this night just suddenly became fucking amazing

i heart my drunken buffalo fam, maddi and my give and take relationship, my fi fi, passover, matzoh, and brooklyn with daddy

<3 and realizing that emotionally-defunct users are not what matters

-Morgs

p.s.: what finals??

Ice.

2005-03-29T06:06:41Z

I don't really have much to say, not in this forum at least. I just want to remember this feeling that sits at my fingertips, itching to spam this page. It stays contained, just juice on the keyboard, nothing for the public to see. But I'll remember the feeling when I read this. And I guess that's the best idea I've got right now.

I guess it's time to update

2005-03-18T15:34:19Z

As at any time when I have so much to say that I don't know where to begin, I will choose to be extemely tight lipped until things have calmed down a bit. I suppose the statement that often passes my lips at times like these will simply have to suffice as they pass again,

"What is my life!?!"

I hope your breaks have been mavelous or will be marvelous or are in the process of being marvelous.

Buffalo sunday...call me if you want to chill before I'm back in the tundra.

<3 peace and love

Morgan

Because the other option was cleaning.

2005-03-05T20:27:13Z

This is the most ambitious procrastination project I have attempted (and completed!) in quite awhile. It’s probably a bitch to get through so I’ll forgive you for not giving a fuck. Enjoy.

*I don’t live in the moment.

*I think I’m tolerant in that religious affiliation, race, gender, and sexual orientation are not things that I hold against people. I do however hold certain personality defects and other select inadequacies against people when I see fit.

*I have a fair share of secrets. I think they make the world go ‘round.

*I don’t think I really get complimented. There are a few select remarks that people make about me on a regular basis (you stress out a lot, you’re really overworked, etc...Maybe that I’m small? Or “hardworking”

*If I was another person, I would probably be friends with me, and then get really bummed out that I was always too busy doing work to talk theater and books. Eventually, of course, I would probably make me start a book club and explore literary critics with myself.

*My greatest strength is my open mind. My greatest weakness is my blatant need for approval from [select] others

*When I am upset I write, go to the gym, draw, listen to music, but mainly…talk to those close to me until they make that face that means they can’t take it anymore. I also eat unhealthy amounts of cereal when I’m upset. Mainly Kashi.

*An important lesson I’ve learned is not to be so sure that how you feel today is how you’ll feel tomorrow. A few choice words can change your perspective in fucked up and amazing ways.

*If I was going to say I was any fictional character I guess I would be Andrea Zuckerman from Beverly Hills 90210, the anal newspaper editor who is enfatuated with Brandon, the brilliant heartthrob who will never see her as more than “chief,” and who ends up preggers with a bartenders baby and moving to rhode island (okay I definitely had different reasons for feeling Andreaish, but decided against a valid explanation in favor for showing off how much of a 90210 freak I am).

*Most people don’t know me and probably will never interpret what I do or say in the way that I intend them to. This saddens me. I used to think being complex was what makes you special, but really it’s just being yourself and having others appreciate whatever that is generates the most happiness in me. Unconditional positive regard seems to be what I’ve been longing for and what I’ve been missing.

*I believe in astrology in a really weird way. In a sense I know it’s all bullshit, but a lot of my closest friends are cancers (Amanda, Fiorella, Michy, Kate..) and I kind of feel this bond with them and that we share certain integral characteristics that are just so profoundly comparable. I love looking at astrology books and rattling off stupid facts when people say their sign. I love being able to know someone’s sign just from them telling me their birthday. I love compatibility charts and saying shit like “ahhh, you’re on the cusp.” Whatever, I’m a loser.

*I used to wish on stars all the time. It never really worked either. I used to do the whole…”star light star bright first star I see tonight…” nonsense. I guess I stopped when I stopped bothering with wishes. I started to feel like it was more important for me to WORK ON STUFF than to wish for it. Wishing is kind of passive, maybe that’s why. Maybe I just forgot and it’s about damn time I silently chanted that little rhyme in my head and wished on a star again.

*I used to have all of these characteristics that I projected onto my “ideal mate.” I think at this point all of that has been widdled down to one simple idea, appreciation. I’m just looking for someone who I think is wonderful who thinks I’m wonderful too. I want someone to blown away by me and for us to fascinate each other and not to get enough of each other. And if I could find a guy who could cut the bullshit long enough to provide me with that, I’d probably hold onto him forever.

*The last person to make me cry was probably Andrew B, but that was probably just the wine.

*Maddi has been making fun of my voice a lot and I don’t know if I like it or hate it. I love being made fun of and ridiculed just because I’m a serious masochist, but there’s something about the way she makes fun of me that makes me feel uneasy. I think I’ve figured out what it is. She kind of does it in this very innocent loving way, and looks at me when she does as though I should be more appreciative that it’s “dead-on” than disconcerted that it is blatant mockery. I know that same face that she makes after she nails one of my “noises”, it’s the one that I make after I impersonate my own mother, whose thick Brooklyn accent (I have no idea where it came from…she’s from long island) and eccentric ditzy outbursts fill my thoughts and cannot be contained. She always seems amused, and laughs heartily, but also seems concurrently bruised by my loving impersonation. I actually tried to stop doing it for a while because she seemed so upset by it, but recently when I call her she requests that I “do the voice.” That makes me really happy and when it really comes down to it, I’d be pretty damn depressed if Maddi stopped making “Morgan noises.”

*Respect isn’t exactly tangible. I don’t respect many and I trust even fewer. If you have my respect it means that I admire what you do and what you think. I see you as true to yourself and to me. I probably think you’re intelligent in one way or the other. I think that you’re developed; you understand the world and the people in it better than most. You’re neither afraid to laugh at yourself nor to let your swollen ego show as much as your insecurities do. You’re afraid and don’t pretend otherwise (or at least, don’t pretend otherwise all of the time). You listen yet you make your voice be heard. You’re not afraid to put me in my place and tell me when it is that I need to grow the fuck up.

I’m sarcastic and cynical. I hate the world and the people in it almost as much as I love the world and the people in it, if that makes any sense at all. I get a really twisted sense of pleasure of calling people out when they’re behavior is sub-par. I demand excellence from those capable of it. I have to hold my tongue on a daily basis. If I care about you, I probably make a conscious effort not to be a bitch to you on a daily basis.

The last nightmare I had had to do with blue balls…and Ryan Cabrera…but not really the two together. I also had a nightmare that I had chicken that made me really upset (I’m a vegetarian now, we don’t do that). The Cabrera-balls dream was really disturbing…I woke up at 5AM like really creeped out and made Sonia listen to the whole thing…she still alludes to it sometimes and we laugh because it just validates that I’m even insane subconsciously.

Thirteen random things you like:
1) Billy Corgan
2) Grape bubbleicious bubble gum
3) Mac makeup
4) Rain on the hottest day of the summer, when the sky opens up and it starts pouring after three grey days so miserably humid that you have to fight your way through the steam, one flip flop begrudgingly following the next.
5) When my mom sends me emails and makes lots of references to “connections” “spirit” and calls me sweetumsl.
6) Health food from Jandi’s in Oceanside.
7) The things my dad writes in my birthday cards.
8) Linguine al Pesto
9) The way Fi’s hair smells.
10) Obsessively clicking on one xanga/livejournal after another until four hours have passed and I feel fully updated on everyone and their mom’s life.
11) Maddi’s poetry.
12) Amanda’s bright orange hoop earings.
13) Girl talk with Sonia and Steph in hushed voices on Thurdsday nights when we all have a crapload of work to do.

Twelve movies:
1) Almost Famous
2) Dead Poets Society
3) Blank Check
4) Working Girl
5) Lolita
6) The Fisher King
7) Life As a House
8) When Harry Met Sally
9) Garden State
10) Closer
11) Philadelphia
12) Heavyweights

Eleven Good Bands/Musicians
1) R.E.M
2) Modest Mouse
3) Radiohead
4) Matt Nathanson
5) Smashing Pumpkins
6) Dave Matthews Band
7) Ani Difranco
8) Salt n Peppa
9) Weezer
10) Ella Fitzgerald
11) The Beatles

Ten things about you
1) I don’t have my license.
2) My favorite kiss was closed mouth, while watching “Terminator Three” (which was awful). And he wasn’t even my boyfriend. He was just a boy, holding my hand. And looking into my eyes.
3) I’m scared of doing fractions.
4) I’m really glad I decided to stop eating meat.
5) My favorite color is purple.
6) I like being “the short one”
8) I’m afraid to read over the book I started writing in high school. I want to finish it more than anything and don’t know where to begin. I’m looking for an editor, and ear, and someone to help me take it to completion. I’m scared to death that won’t happen.
9) All I’ve ever really wanted to be was content with myself.
10) I love Ralph’s Italian ices in the summer more than I love breakfast cereal. I associate it with hot summer nights with Fiorella and Amanda. Fiorella with her mint chip and Amanda with her Tiramisu and me with my java chip-almond joy-chocolate reeses triple scoop, my most indulgent and glorious pseudo-meal of the day.

Nine Reasons You Keep a Livejournal
1) A good commen can make my day.
2) Because it gives me an excuse to write.
3) I use it to procrastinate.
4) I think it lets people know me in ways that I can’t let them.
5) I like the little kittens that display my “current mood”
6) Because I want to remember what I thought about stuff ten years from now.
7) It’s away for me to vent, publicly.
8) I say things in it that I’m scared to say out loud.
9) It think it helps me stay connected to people.

Eight favorite food/drinks:
1) Diet Pepsi
2) Grandma slices from The Pizza Place
3) Half almond joy half peanut butter iced coffee from the cheese store, number four
4) Brown rice pizza with Soy cheese from Jandis.
5) A brownie with a scoop of peanut butter and vanilla ice cream from witches brew.
6) Accompanied by an “Eve’s Temptation” iced tea.
7) Bagels from bagelo toasted and scooped with nonfat veggie cream cheese.
8) Vegan cookies from the dining hall (I’m sorry but they make my life).

Seven things that annoy you:
1) Watching potential get wasted.
2) General Education Requirements
3) Julia Roberts in every movie minus “Closer.”
4) Really bad pictures of myself ending up posted on the internet.
5) People with mid section fat that wear cammies that ride up. I don’t even wear fucking cammies that ride up.
6) People who think reading is pointless.
7) Watching people be actively intolerant.

Six bad habits:
1) I forget to lock the door in the morning.
2) I don’t keep my mouth shut even when I really should.
3) I bitch to people who have it worse than me, about the specific stuff that they have worse than me.
4) I walk blindly into ugly romantic entanglements.
5) I say the word “retarded” to describe negative things.
6) I openly bitch about my flaws.

Five TV shows you’ve loved at some point:
1) My So Called Life
2) Degrassi
3) Beverly Hills 90210
4) Singled Out
5) Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Four words you'd rather didn't exist:
1) Moles
2) Faggot
3) Ooze
4) Tuition

Three celebrities you have a crush on:
1) Angelina Jolie
2) Jude Law
3) The hot Spanish guy in love actually that Laura Linney makes out with.

Two Truths:
1) It’s time for Regis Philbin to retire.
2) Macs are better than PCs, in all ways.

One word:
1) Canoodle.

Beauty

2005-02-23T22:51:46Z

Today I would like to discuss beauty. I think the concept is fascinating. I mean the term "beauty" is kind of a vague one...there is aesthetic beauty (the physical), emotional beauty (the interior), and then there is that type of beautiful that doesn't really fit into a category.

I think beauty is playing a song I love so loud that it makes me cringe a little, and tingle a little, and sigh because it is so good it's almost painful. There is this quote that I'm obsessed with that I think best describes my thoughts about music: "Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." Maya Angelou said that. I think she's pretty beautiful too.

Beauty is the sound of waves crashing on the beach. The scent of cookies made from scratch. Revelations about life and love that make us grow. It is the smooth skin of a young child and the smile lines that form with age. It is achieving a goal. It is the curl of lips into a smile...and the widening of that smile into a grin. It is sand castles. It is forts made in your bedroom with your friends at five, a haphazard compilation of pillows and blankets and laughs. It is the sound of raindrops landing gently on blades of grass on a warm summer morning.

Beauty is all about perspective. You can learn to love or to loathe what you have. I think that what's beautiful is the power we all hold to see things the way we do, and to change our thoughts as we learn.

Today I was having a bad day.

I was acting like nothing was the matter, but honestly, I just wasn't feeling happy. I have a lot of things to do and my agenda often bums me out. I kind of just wanted to go back to the room and go to sleep. I think that at times like those sitting down and forcing yourself to write an entry about crap like beauty makes things seem a little less atrocious.

I hope that if you were having a bad day maybe this entry helped you find the beauty in it.

I'm off...

<3 and Silver Linings

-Morgan

coffee_sex_art @ 2005-02-21T01:32:00

2005-02-21T06:52:42Z

I don't want to do my work or admit that it's Monday :(. I had a great weekend and all that's left is half of a sandwich from Amy's place, and a crapload of unfinished work to do. Whatever, I'll get to it I guess. I'm staring at my happy bunny bumper sticker book that says "It's all about me. Deal wtih it." Is it sad that I always keep it on that page because I love it?

Moving on, my animal rights professor is a freak of nature. He emails everyone in the class literally every five minutes. I am posting a copy of an email he just sent under an LJ-Cut so that you can experience it with me...the subject of the email was YOU WERE SMART TO SAVE YOUR MONEY @ A STATE SCHOOL! :)

Hi,

A quick note: all the papers I have taken a look at are VERY GOOD,
*MUCH* better than *any* of the first (and even final) papers I have
*every* seen written by students about your age at various schools
where I have taught where students pay about $30,000 to $50,000 a year
to be there. You were smart to save your money and come to a state
school especially since, as far as I can tell, the Honors students are
better here - in terms of their writing and thinking abilities, as
well as their academic "seriousness" -- than most students elsewhere!
Good for you!

Have a good weekend! Nathan

Ladies and gentleman, that was merely exhibit A. The man is a doof, I'm sorry but he is. He makes me feel like a child and I definitely am not the only person in the class that feels that way. We come in and sit down and have to watch him scrawl in godawful chicken scratch all over the dry erase board. He writes questions like: "Would it be wrong for humans to be treated similarly to chickens on factory farms?" He gives us one-sided reading material. I SWEAR TO GOD the man has never said anything that I didn't read in one of the six books that I had to purchase for the class. I think the worst part is that the class is actually fascinating. I feel like such an ass for never trying to learn more about ethics and how to live my life in a humane way. I'm feeling good about being a vegetarian and trying to do my best to be a realist and yet a morally whole person. However, being treated like my views are "irrelevent" merely because they do not fit into the part of the agenda that "Nathan" has allotted an hour and thirty five minutes of our hour and forty minute class for makes me very very angry. I am put off by the fact that the class is basically a one man show. A really skinny whiny 15 year-old-looking 35 year old man talks AT me while I try to calm myself down by doodling so I don't start screaming. And instead of being encouraged to discuss with the other very intelligent kids in the class just how touching reading about the unacceptable conditions on farms and in zoos are...we are all linked mainly in our disbelief that Professor "Nate-dawg" Nobls has his doctorate.

Fine...maybe I'm projecting my views/anger/aggravation onto others unfairly but fuck that, I'm pretty sure I'm right and I'm pretty sick of keeping quiet about it.

...But enough about animal rights..grr...umm..let me see...I cut my bangs?

Oh and I had a great weekend! We all drank friday and saturday in the dorms and bonded like crazy and today I went out to dinner with Levina, Samara, Shirah, and Jo (it was my vegetarian coming out party!)

Even so, I feel something is gnawing at me and I'm pretty sure it's guilt because I didn't do jack shit as far as homework. Plan for tomorrow: do my chem labs (yes I have TWO due for next week, read chapter four of chemistry, and study statistics. After stats...write my animal rights paper. Fun right?

Wish me luck..I'm off to bed ~yawn~

<3 and manic mondays

On the Weekends

2005-02-20T01:40:29Z

This entry is dedicated to weekends because weekends are very sacred chunks of time. The weekend is the point in my week when everything kind of loosens up. During the week I wear baggy clothes. I put my hair up in a sloppy bun and I leave the dorm early only to return home late. I eat shitty food in the food court at the Student Union. I study until my brain is killing me in a little cubicle in the library. And I long for the days when I can just relax and think about things for myself.

I know that despite the title of this entry, I just spent a paragraph discussing why the week sucks and not why the weekend is crucial. That actually wasn't an unneccessary tangent, it was a segue, so shut up. Anywho, today is Saturday and it is the weekend. As on most weekends, I have imbibed some illicit substances and made a pseudo (or as Steve would say "pah-suedo"...don't ask) ass out of myself. As on most Saturday nights, I have done my makeup, let my hair down, and put on clothes that make me feel like a girl, not a phys. ed. teacher.

I don't really know what my favorite thing about the weekend is. Maybe it's the waffle maker that they put out at brunch. I just think it's amazing that they have waffle makers, but only put them out two times a week because that's kind of just completely analagous to my life in a way. I *have* my own thoughts. I *have* the means to analyze, philosophize, and exercise...but I only really do it fully and wholeheartedly two times a week.

During the blissful period known as the weekend I walk around with a smile on my face. I catch up with my friends and Sonia and I exchange the gossip we've picked up just from living. I sometimes go get really good vegetarian food at Amy's with Samara. I hang out with my hall and laugh a lot. I could go on with examples, but I guess I've made my point. The weekend is basically amazing and everyday when it's not here I wait for it like a kid waiting for presents on Christmas Eve (I'm guessing?). Knowing it's coming makes me feel strong and while it's going on I savor every minute of it.

My advice to anyone that reads this is that they should see the beauty in the weekend as I do, or find some type of inspirational force that they can look to when things seem bleak. And when that anticipation is finally realized and it actually is the weekend, or whatever it is you have been waiting for has arrived, savor it. Take in every moment...take pictures!

And don't be sad when it's over...be excited that another one is coming soon!

<3 and TGIF(and S!!)

Morgan

Recent Musings...

2005-01-21T19:39:13Z

Happy Friday everyone! This has been an extremely intense week. I'm trying to savor the fact that I ended class today at 1:00; every Friday for the rest of the semester (give or take a recitation) I have class from 11 AM to 5 PM, no breaks. That's correct: Spanish, World Civ 2, Chem Recitation, Chem Lab-all in a row. I have 10 minutes between each class to get to the next.

So the point of all of this listing and explaining is that this semester has got to be about discipline, drive, and endurance. For me, the biggest challenge to overcome will undoubtedly be Chemistry 101. My teacher talks really really fast and if it were not for Sonia's notes and the reassurance of all of my Science-savvy-suitemates, I may have had a nervous breakdown.

I think another thing that I can attribute to my eery calmness is my having freed my self from the shackles of my coffee addiction. I have never felt more healthy. With baby carrots in my refrigerator and tea leaves on my dresser, this challenging semester seems far less daunting.

Here's the run down of my classes/proffessors and stuff...in case you were wondering.

Spanish 104: Today my teacher asked how many students were currently in their "primer" year of study at the University at Buffalo. Our of the 22 kids in the class, I was the only person to meekly raise my hand. In this class, the advantage is not being older. It matters not whether or not you know wheir Slee Hall is, or which dining hall has the grossest food, or which teachers to stay the hell away from. In this class, the one thing that affords a student with all of the advantages in the world is having taken Spanish recently, and having excelled at it at that. I happen to have taken Spanish recently. I stopped taking it Junior year. Therefore, verb conjugations are still fresh in my mind and I still have an expansive vocabulary. I really like my teacher, Diana Vela. She's short and cute and from Peru (Lima, specifically). Her accent is thick yet understandable and she really makes learning fun.

World Civ 2: My teacher, Prof. Sussman, has a curly mop of salt and pepper locks and speaks with abrupt pauses between each word. He handed us about 25 pages of reading material as a "Syllabus" and told us that this class will entail about 5-6 hours of reading per week if we want to get As. He is part of the comparative lit department and on top of our text book and source book he also assigned us Hamlet and Frankenstein to read. Despite his cookiness and unconventionality, I love him and think that he is absolutely brilliant (what I gathered from his lecture and his syllabi, cumulatively). Kate and Sonia are in the class too which is definitely a bonus. I think this is going to be the best history class I will ever take and I'm going to actually LEARN as opposed to memorizing useless garbage. A very promising class that I will update you guys about more later!

Chemistry 101: As I mentioned before, this class seems like it's going to be a total bitch and it appears as though I'm going to have to spend about 10 hours per week (at least!) just studying for it. And this is my conclusion despite the fact that I haven't attended lab or recitation yet. I think that despite my initial panic, I have resolved to do well in this class and am extremely determined to put in the hours neccessary. I feel like I have supportive friends who are willing to help me and that's always good. Let's hope this isn't the GPA spoiler I hypothesized it would be.

Psychological Statistics: This class is totally up in the air. I took Stats in high school and though it was easy and boring and didn't study=me failing the AP and being wary of the "second time around." Privatera teaches it and he is supposedly completely stellar but I think it will be doable as long as I don't blow off his lectures/not do the practice problems. I already read chapter 1 and did most of the homework despite the fact that I don't think it's due until Wednesday. Let's hope it's as easy as the professor told us it can be.

Animal Rights: I chose to put this class last because it is the class that is the most hard to...explain with mere words. The teacher looks like he is in his mid-late twenties, he is very thin, has a Buffalo accent, and is a bit rambly. Sometimes I try to really analyze his body language or intonation but it's not possible! I have no idea what to expect from him. He told us yesterday that the class is introductory philosophy. I don't think that is what I bargained for at all. I think the most unpleasant thing about the class is the reading material. I started reading the first book and got to about page 125, it's by a philosopher and animal rights activist named Tom Regan and is called Empty Cages. The book basically states over and over again, in a persuasive manner, utilizing deft argumentation, that anyone who does not actively fight animal abuse (eg. practice veganism; not wear wool, leather, or fur; oppose the use of animals for scientific endeavors...etc.) is morally bankrupt in many senses as well as hypocritical and cruel. It may be true, but a lot of the information is hard to swallow and unpleasant to immerse oneself in. Despite my reservations, it is my Honors Seminar and I am required to take it. Thus, I need to take it for what it's worth and hope I can still live with myself after attending 28 more guilt trips...I mean lectures.

So that's basically the low down. I am trying to stay on top of my work. I am not drinking coffee. I work out every day. I have a liquor stash and am ecstatic that it's Friday.

This took a crapload of time so I guess I'll go do my work now!

<333 Love and vegan peanut butter-carob brown rice krispie squares <333

Morg

coffee_sex_art @ 2005-01-14T00:32:00

2005-01-14T05:34:07Z

I cannot STAND stupid immature idiots who don't realize that they are no long FIFTEEN years old and that they are now in COLLEGE. Get over it and move on with your lives people. It's time.

/end rant.

My grandmother

2005-01-09T23:55:33Z

If you're bored, read this. I just wrote it and it's kinda long so I won't blame you for skipping it.

My grandmother turns 94 at the end of this month. She wants the family to go out to dinner with her to celebrate, but I won't be around; I'll probably be shivering my way to the library and cramming for chemistry as they fill their bellies with Brooklyn cuisine. My grandmother is a character that not even the most creative novelist could dream up. A person has to experience her in order to be able to explain her to someone else in writing.

Today me, my thirteen year old brother, my mother and my father piled into our silver Toyota Camry. We all made the arduous journey (Yiddish: Schlepp) to see my grandmother. I hadn't seen her since the summer and it was time for the overwhelming trip to her small co-operative on Neptune Avenue, in the heart of Brooklyn.

My grandmother has lived a long life and is a very...weathered and eccentric character. When I was small I remember that I was being bratty (a typical occurrence) and my mom couldn't deal and she actually threatened me with my grandmother. My mother told me that if I didn't stop my incessant complaining (Yiddish: Kvetching), she would make me sleepover at her mother-in-law's for the night. The thought of spending two full days at the mercy of my grandmother shook the attitude right out of me. The satisfaction of lamenting about my hunger, impatience, or boredom was not worth subjection to my grandmother's will.

If you did not know my grandmother, as I'm assuming 99.9999% of my readership does not, you would probably think it harsh for me to squirm at the thought of being confined in a room with her for long periods of time. However, dutiful readers, you would be sorely mistaken. My grandmother has been through a lot (English: understatement). Her 12 brother's and sisters were sleign in the devestating genocide of 11 Million people brought to fruition by Adolf Hitler of Germany. My grandmother, thankfully, was transported safely to America via a commercial cruise ship and spared.

Despite my insatiable curiosity, I never really ask my grandmother about the devestation that she had to face as a young woman. I never ask her how it is that she came to America at 28 years old without speaking a word of English and can now speak and understand with the fluency of a college graduate. I merely accept the little information she is willing to divulge about her past, and eagerly await the next tidbit she may relinquish. Through this process I have gathered the basics about her. As a teenager she lived on fruit and unfathomable quantities of rich chocolate, leaving her toothless and with a mouth full of dentures. She worked in a factory for thirty some odd years and now lives off an extremely inadequate pension. Her income is less than 1,000 dollars per month.

Every time we see her she has scrimped and saved and despite the fact that she lacks luxuries, never neccessities, but always luxuries, she offers us money. I have been receiving a 1000 dollar bond from her every year for my birthday for as long as I can remember.

Despite the hardship she has faced, my grandmother is not a hero, but in actuality a fighter. She is not an extremely pleasant person to be around. And when the family trudged into the car this morning, we all silently prepared in our own ways to face her wrath. In fact, we each brought our own armor in order to adequaqtely defend ourselves against her disabling judgements and cruelty.

My mother left the house donning a huge raccoon vest that I poke fun of her for wearing, though she insists she receives compliments for on a daily basis. My father wore the pants he bought at Costco (they were a steal!) and a hat that my brother and I jointly agreed makes him look like a hobo. My brother wore his Armani Exchange sweater and Hollister pants and had his iPod headphones planted firmly in his ears. I, the slyest in the group attempted to outfox my grandmother, addressing complaints she has made about my wardrobe, body, and skin in the past by dressing exactly as she always pleads with me to. I wore an abercrombie hat and scarf set, a warm sweater, a jacket, gloves, jeans, and boots. I wore natural looking makeup (concealer, liner, mascara, lip balm), and made sure my hair was down and plain. I brough On The Road, by Jack Kerouac and my cell phone in case of emergency. My father revved up the engine and we were on our way.

45 minutes later we were heading into the elevator. Destination: Floor 17 of Hilda Gottfried's apartment building. When my father stood next to my grandmother he towered over her. When my brother stood next to my grandmother he looked like a giant. My dad chuckled and mouthed "she shrunk" to me as I watched the red numbers climb.

The elevator door opened with a bing and we were greeted by hallways coated in a hideous pastel-green paint; always a bit of an unpleasant beginning despite the familiarity of the hue. We walked into her tiny apartment and it was like entering a time portal. I can't remember the place ever looking different and when I'm there I feel five years old again.

Because of the stark sameness of the place, any change becomes glaringly obvious. The picture of me at eight with a pointy birthday hat and pigtails has been replaced with my high school yearbook photo. Eery.

Aside from that less-than-astounding directing change, my grandmother herself has made a significant physical transformation. I stare at her and study her deep set wrinkles, which were never quite that deep. Her left eye seems to not be opening all the way, and she is no longer wearing her housecoat (Yiddish: Shmatta) that she used to have on because she always made pound cake for my brother. It was his favorite thing about her and the reason he used to be eager to visit. She doesn't cook anymore because the task has become too daunting and she is far too fatigued to do so. Now Meals on Wheels comes and brings her food.

If not for my grandmother's personality, I think that today's visit would have been rather poignant. I mean, my grandmother is no spring chicken. In fact, her opening remark when we entered her apartment was "Schteimetz is dead. They shipped her to Israel in a box last week." Schteimetz was my grandmother's closest friend and my father knew her since she was seven. My grandmother's acceptance and awareness of the glowering presence of death and her acknowledgment of its approach frightened me. She is very old and has lived through so much heartache. Her favorite thing to tell me is that she still learns to this day. I don't know if I will ever be able to carry the burden of so many years as she does.

Before I could begin to pity her or my somber mood could take root, my grandmother did what she always does. Made my entire family feel like shit. She began by raving about how my father used to be extremely handsome. Keywords, "used to." She continued by saying that there would be no shame in him investing in a toupee (he isn't even bald, just minorly receeding!) and that he shouldn't go out in public the way he does. She went on, telling me to take off my hat because it made me look ugly, and that I should probably be exercising more. She told my mom that her boots looked too warm and that they were inappropriate because her feet would overheat. She told my brother he should have brought a jacket.

We arrived around 2:30 and by 4:00 all four of us were so overwhelmed with the criticism she had dealt that we unanimously agreed it was time to leave. My grandmother, as is her ritual, pulled out all of the canned and non-perishable items in her cabinets, as well as all of the fruit that she had left over from the Meals on Wheels people, bagged them up before we could protest, and loaded them into her little old lady cart, insisting that we take the items with us. My parents, as they always do, protested, and we left with two cans of salmon and her off our backs (for the time being).

Spending time with my grandmother makes me wonder how I am going to act in the context of being old and lonely and having too many canned and non-perishable items in my cabinet. And while her criticism used to bother me, it makes me grateful in a sense. Without her mean streak always rearing its ugly head, I might have to pity her or feel that she was "losing it" or that she was too saintly to be lonely. Knowing that she is still sharp enough to insinuate that I'm fat or that my mom has no fashion sense almost comforts me and bolsters my concluding that she is as keen and sagacious as she was 40 years ago.

As I get older the things that used to irk me and make me resent my grandmother and our visits with her now make me feel happy and fulfilled. The fact that her behavior and her house are so well preserved and that there is such an air of consistency about her is something that really aids my exploration of myself. I measure how much I have changed and my perspective against the stationary world in which my grandmother lives. And as crazy (Yiddish: Meshuggina) as it might sound to 99.9999% of you, today's visit was one of the best yet.

Thanksgiving entry

2004-11-22T19:48:18Z

I suppose I am what one would call a "Thanksgiving Traditionalist." Turkey is a clear motivator for this ideology, however poultry is not the primary force bolstering my enthusiasm. In all honesty, I'm a fan of turkey-day because it forces little-wretched, scornful, jaded, cynical, ladder-climbing, alcohol inhaling, anal-retentive, caffeine addicted, obsessive-compulsive, sloppy, loud, bitchy-me to grapple with gratitude.

And despite everything that sucks about everything, I am pretty Goddamn grateful.

I am grateful for birkenstock shoes that fit my feet only and welcome my tired toes after five foolish hours in stilettos. I am grateful to Dawn DeMaio for teaching me that I am a tough bitch and that I can take anyones shit if it's okay that I cry the whole way through. Iam grateful for the bulletin board that sits on my desk that is there for me to look at every time I get sad and miss the past. I am grateful for Dr. Daly and his infectious giggle that makes the fact that I have to read four more books almost pleasurable. I am grateful for Noah, who has made me laugh on countless occasions that I can't quite remember, and whose gift of song will always be remembered for making me cry. I am grateful to Michelle Rosenberg for teaching me how to be cultured, how to let art move you, and how to believe in my art. I am grateful to my mother for passing on her ridiculous long island accent and for her unending kindness and wisdom. I am grateful to Fiorella for her insights about wealth, relationships, life, friendship (and most importantly shopping). I am grateful to Amanda who gave me a chance and didn't let my pychotic facade derail her from pursuing friendship; I'm lucky as hell she stuck around. I'm grateful for Jessica who did not shit her pants when we got lost at the witches brew...but in fact drove quite calmly as I laughed like a manic hyena badly in need of a lithium-based tranquilizer. I am grateful to Michy...who's pool has been time and again the spot for "Jesus loves you" sing alongs and other miscellaneous adventures. I am grateful for Sonia who listens with her whole heart and cotributes only when her whole heart is in it. I am grateful to Kate who can make me smile with a shake of her shoulders and who has proved unendingly loyal and trustworthy. I am grateful to everyone who made high school and the summer before college amazing. I am grateful that Sam and I picked up the broken pieces of our 15 year "best-friendship" and salvaged something amazing that almost was crushed underneath undeniably powerful naievete. I am grateful to Maddi who puts up with a lot of my shit and is pretty fucking fabulous when she hasn't slept in 20 hours. I am grateful to Colleen who is the funniest shit alive and let's me hang out in her room a lot. I am grateful to the girls of the 212 hallway who are always brewing a cup of hot coffee and thrive on being fabulous and storing unfathomable amounts of alcohol. I am grateful for Andrew and Amy who make world civ worth going to. I am grateful for Greg and anyone else I propositioned while plastered who didn't take advantage of their drunk ass friend Morgan. I am grateful to Toni Morrison, who has effectively ruined 2-3 of my weekends and usurped approximately 19 hours of my life. I am grateful for Ritz and Heath...who I miss like no others (SM LOVE WooT). I am grateful for AJ who listens to my crazy ass and loves me anyway. I am grateful for my dad....who listened to me read a 9 page paper about the patriot act and then gave me really helpful feedback afterwards. I am grateful to my brother for asking who Peppa is (and being the shit). I am grateful to Lainy for being shorter than me, and Casey for being her roommate. I am grateful to Ben and Andrew for their filipino tendencies (and their cookies/chips/lovin'). I am grateful for Tim...who loves acoustic music and is uber Emo. I am grateful for Josh because he has tie dyed pants. I am grateful for Lain for being so literary and cosmopolitan. I am grateful for Josiah because he has a three inch penis...and chris because he has a penis one inch smaller than Josiah's. I am grateful for Brandon because he's a crackhead. I am grateful for Brooke because she kicks ass. I am grateful for Ashley...and Hava...just because. And well....you get the picture.

Thanks for being the wonderful "you"s that you are...even if you weren't mentioned....you have to remember that I haven't slept in like a full 24 hours and I'm kinda sleeping right now. Hit me up if you aren't in there somewhere...or your shoutout didn't satisfy you.

Drive, ride, fly, and bike safe everybody.

EAT LOTS OF TURKEY AND THANK SOMEONE FOR KICKING ASS!

Inspired by Lain

2004-11-17T04:17:10Z

I wrote this in Modern American Novel. I didn't read the book for this week so I doodled and made a list. I'm a bad egg.

Things That Please Me: A Free-Written List
-Dunkin' Donuts at 3am when only pablo's there having therapy sessions with the girls
-When Sonia's whole body shakes when she laughs
-The smell of a toasted sesame bagel, scooped, with veggie cream cheese and a french vanilla iced coffee (2 sweet n lows and a little skim) from Bagelo
-When the 305 boys buy REDUCED FAT keebler fudge shop cookies
-Homemade birthday cards
-Tattered birkenstocks and bright colored gap socks
-Adding an extra espresso shot to my coffee
-Pumkin flavored lotion from the body shop
-When Andrew walks me to psychology
-Sipping on lattes and dissecting art at the MOMA
-Winning ReNT lotto and sitting first row center for twenty dollars
-red noses dissipating over hot cocoa
-Passages of my favorite books that I don't remember underlining, but upon returning to, remind me of a very special era of my existence
-Sand between my toes
-Realizing that Tal has a picture trail and that there is a picture of Josh giving me a kiss on the cheek while I'm piss ass drunk
-Getting more than five hours of sleep
-When colleen scowls...
-The poster Matt made me that now hangs on our door :)
-Mary's mullato trash
-Boys that remember your birthday
-Doodling in class
-Turning the click wheel of my iPod
-DC++.
-Shopping...with plastic
-Samara's orthopedic puma's
-Maddi coming by to visit
-The way Amanda, Fi, and I always make our aim profiles match
-Central Park.
....oh I could go on....but...

On kind of less of a happy note: I'm a bit perturbed about going home. I love my parents and friends, but things have changed significantly. I haven't spoken to a bunch of kids that truly made high school high school in about a million years (they know who they are...and probably don't read my piece of shit online journal, but still). I kind of didn't end things on good terms with some of my best friends. I left haphazardly. The reality of going home is that I will see these people and that things aren't really okay. I'm not sure quite how to deal with this. I'm hoping that going home (and clearly I mean moreso December Break than Thanksgiving) will be a time for me to regenerate. I want to get a lot of leisure reading done. I want to watch A SHIT LOAD of television...I'm talking solid 15 hour chunks of 90210 time. I want to get manicures and pedicures, and my hair highlighted, and talk on the phone for hours, and go shopping with Fi, Amanda, and Michy. I want to get lost going to the brew with Jess. I want to go over Nikki's and play "7th grade." I want to eat bagels and real pizza. I want to to see THEATER desperately. I want to drink ass loads of cheese store coffee, shop at roosevelt field, sleep in my own bed, NOT wear shower shoes, show my friends all the new music on my iPOD, go garage sale hunting with Mand's mom. SEE JOHN!!!! Chill with the "Kenny Crew" (ie. Em, Brian, Ad, Kazdin, Tal, Kristin). I want to rehash college stories. I want to exchange memories and make new ones. I want to see my teachers. I want to hug my fucking guidance counselor.

I want to go bargain hunting with Samara....I want to pick out dorm furniture for next year with Kate. I want SONYA TO COME VISIT ME (or vice versa), I want SO MANY COLLEGE KIDS to come stay with me so I can take them to the city and lavish them with the wonders of the LIRR and the nooks of the village.

I want to see whitney and play monopoly like we're still in 5th grade! I want to paint in oils with mommy and talk politics with daddy...I want to meet up with Maddi, Andrew, Andrew, Shira, and Tami and bask in the fact that it's only 40 minutes baby!!! I want to NOT WORRY ABOUT CLASSES.

wow...venting is a beautiful thing...i feel a lot better about going home. thanks live journal, you're a pal <3

Morg

coffee_sex_art @ 2004-11-16T02:33:00

2004-11-16T07:36:36Z

i talked to my mom today...my accent came back...that was comforting.

sonia wants to marry a boy. i understand. we are one. it is beautiful.

one ton of unrecycled paper=17 trees being chopped down and we waste around 20 million tons of paper every day

...i learned that from observing a colloquium presentation. happy recycling day

<3 morg

ps...i had an away message on quoting the song "none of your business" by salt and peppa. I talk to my brother and he inquired who "peppa" was. I told him not to worry about it.

i'm intrigued so what the hell

2004-11-12T08:41:02Z

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. I will answer them honestly. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.

gimp sticks

2004-11-06T22:50:10Z

I'm on crutches now because I fucking fell and my stupid leg is all bruisy....but now I'm like the token "hot injured chick" (fine maybe that's in my own head but WHATEVER).

I am having a ridiculously intense convo with amanda. I love it a lot. We've decided that though things have changed, she fi and I will be friends for a long time. And keeping isn't as important as loving each ohter when we're all together.

It makes me really emotional to talk to my best friends from home. I love them so much. I had the most amazing summer of my life before college. I cried more tears than I knew were inside me the night before I left. I laughed and toasted and ate and was merry and then I collected my life up and moved to Buffalo.

And I haven't been home since.

I feel like I've realized a hell of a lot about my self and the world around me since I unloaded a larger-than-life wardrobe and "the best of target" into 304 c roosevelt hall.

I've realized that I am a lot smarter than I initially believed. That it's not crazy for me to shoot for the stars. That my caffeine addiction isn't going away just yet. That you don't have to be conventionally so to be beautiful. That I deserve a healthy relationship-complete with a healthy boy who treats me with respect, love, and kindness. I've realized that I like being a little bit snotty, and wearing a little too much black, and loving broadway a little too much, and yearning for art galleries, and grafitiied streets, and 5th avenue.

I love college. I love Long Island. I love everyone and everything despite my stupid fucked up leg. And the fact that I couldn't go to greend day. And that I haven't written one solid creative piece in over 2 months.

So that's the news for now...sorry if this entry was lame.

Love and Sour Cream Dough Tim Bits
Moooooorgana